Loving you. ♥

Saturday, March 29, 2008, 4:50 AM

tired...took some time to settle down before posting.
hmmm...what's up next?
let me start from wednesday.
was a rather sad day.
something happen to me and junhao again.
after school before he went for the social studies trip.
hais..push.knock.bang.squeeze. all used out.
just...told him i wanted a break up that day.
i am scared of him.
i don't know what to do already.
i'm just pretty stress out.
argh!
hais...why am i keep sighing?
cause i am feeling down. i'm angry/frustrated. everything!
should i or should i not?i leave it to god. for he holds our future.
then thursday after skool.
he left me alone and went home.
with his uncle.
i'm so damn lonely and also angry.
i hate him to just leave me alone and walked away.
just plain inresponsible.
yesterday which is friday, stayed back in skool for CO practice.
i so guai. first time never slack for the whole 3hr practice.
after that stayed back in skool for a while after practice to practise I believe.
went to looked for him in parade square after that cause he is staying back for carpark duty.
and meet the parent session.
was pretty worried.
i know mdm wee will surely say bad things about him in class.
not handing in homework. not paying attention in class. etc.
hais...i know it will surely affect us.
but...i don't know what to do already.
i'm affecting him.his studies.
is it really right for us to stay together?
i don't know. i really don't know.
perhaps yes or perhaps no.
his parents don't really like me now i know.
hais...i am at a total lost.

To junhao:
i really don't know what to do. i love you but i am scared of you. ur violent acts.
your parents will surely force us to break up de. since ur parents are going to break us up,
why don't do it happily?
i know that if they really force us to break up, both of us will surely be very sad.
don't bear to break up de.
so i only can force you to do so now.
i will do all sort of things that will make you unhappy and angry..
so that you can't stand me and will leave me.
then at that time, you won't be sad anymore.
i will be the one. but is ok.
i love you. i want the best for you. i sad is better than you sad.
i love you my baby.