Loving you. ♥

Sunday, May 25, 2008, 4:16 AM

i love you, junhao, with all my heart.my soul.my body.
every part of me wants to love you.
yearning for your love too.
but this doesn't seems to happen on me.
we are no longer like before.
now, i seems to be the only one holding on to this relationship.
no one is holding me.
i feel dead.
i no longer feel your love for me anymore.
i am trying to make my heart dies.
i am really trying very hard.
but i fail.
cus my heart still want to be with you.
you once told my heart that you will love me forevers and forevers.
and i told myself you are the right guy for me.
you're going to be the guy standing next to me in the church in 10 years time.
i remember that we went to marriot hotel to celebrate your brother's birthday this year.
i told you that the atmosphere there was really stunning and romantic.
and you told me that we will be there together went we are 21 years old.
you told me to wait for you.
after your NS.
i promise you i will do so.
but now...
so much things have happen between us for the past few months.
i know everything gotta be change.
maybe i wasn't the right girl for you.
to you i am irritating,unreasonable and ridiculous.
even my concern for you have become extra.
our communication have cut down.
sms.talk time.
just everything.
i feel so odd one out everytime now.
i wasn't needed.
i keep pestering you to leave her.
but you asked me who am i to ask you to do that.
i got nothing to say.
i am just nobody.
after all the pestering, you still didn't leave her.
i even break up a few times with you because of this issue.
i told you that if you don't leave her i will break up with you.
you just simply think that i am threatening you and nothing else.
but i can tell you that don't make my heart breaks one more time.
cus i am going to leave you for sure this time.
i'm tired.
i don't want to hold on to something that does not belong to me.
you told me not to ask anything from you cus you are not able to give me.
you told me my blogskin doesn't look nice. my blog song just sucks.
everthing you say i did remember.
you threw away the cheesecake i make for you cus you say it taste sour when i spend the whole night making it for you.
but is ok.
you promise to love me with all you can.
you promise to hold my hands forevers.
you promise to give me the best you can.
but now you tell me that you can't give me anything and tell me not to ask anything from you anymore.
my heart struggled.
from the first time we quarrel to the first time you hit me.
everything is kept in my heart.
you told me that you can't tell me anything but you can tell her everything.
i thought that as your girlfriend, i'll be able to share everything of you.
but now you no longer trust me.
i really don't understand who am i to you.
an outsider?
a girlfriend in name?
or just someone you used to sms her or call her everyday?
i used to think that i really understand you.
but now i think that i really don't understand you at all.
hais...